Grumpy is no gourmet. Grumpy’s preferred refreshments for a night of SWG stomping are bourbon, ice and lots of bourbon. After a few refreshments, Grumpy becomes quite entertaining, in his own opinion, and is strangely attracted to Twilek females with bodacious ta-ta’s.
The other night, Grumpy’s gf/business partner thought that Grumpy should be in charge of cooking dinner before they logged on to manage their architectural empire (with a few weapon sales thrown in to cover travel tickets.) While this may seem like a good idea in theory, Grumpy knows how to cook exactly two things…spaghetti and hot dogs, as both involve using the microwave and maybe boiling some water.
Grumpy figured it seemed more like a hot dog kind of night, so hot dogs it would be. Apparently, he made several miscalculations in his menu. Number one, he forgot to buy hot dog buns and number two, he figured hot dogs, in and of themselves, were plenty for a delicious meal, washed down with a bourbon, of course. His gf disagreed. He knew this because she said…”o boy, hot dogs and, errr, ONLY hot dogs. what a treat.” Grumpy is no stranger to sarcasm.
Grumpy could see that this night was gonna need a LOT of bourbon to get through. And some ice. And a lot of credits in his pocket for the cantina later.
Grumpy’s first argument was with a leet dewd who was price shopping for a generic PA hall and he needed it yesterday, of course, and if Grumpy could deliver it to a remote area on Lok within the hour, that would be just greeeeeeeeeat, mmmmmk. HA, Grumpy told him he could keep his 200k credits as Grumpy had to visit the cantina soon…for his battle fatigue…ya. The dewd was not to be deterred. He explained that greater volume was Grumpy’s road to financial success.
While normally Grumpy would relish the opportunity to discuss supply-side economics with a 12 year old, tonight was not the night. Addignore.
Second argument…Player Cities, and a group of chums that needed a city hall. Grumpy figures, lots of annoying components translates to lots of credits required to get him off his butt. Grumpy tells Chum01 this and further suggests a name for their city…Lord of the Flies, and he’s willing to craft a pig head on a stick as a sign post for their Nirvana. Addignore, Grumpy was in no mood to explain the plot line for LOTF to some punk that thought it involved hobbits and jewelry.
After about this point, Grumpy only vaguely remembers telling a few jokes in /say about the French and fireworks, renaming his mouse droid SonyCanKissMyAsp, and commenting to his gf that those bikini tops sure don’t cover much of the dancers’ “breasts”. Only he didn’t use the word “breasts”. Actually, technically, he used the word “tiths”. Which isn’t really a word and shouldn’t offend anyone…right? (Grumpy’s post-bourbon apologies to his French customers about that fireworks joke.)
(There were also some incidents where Grumpy /shouted I AM THE FIRST MAMMAL TO WEAR PANTS!!! at the starport while flashing the crowds, but that is unconfirmed at this point.)
Grumpy’s cantina romps came to a rude end after he realized he still hadn’t thrown power at his steel mines. And, he apparently took the LOOOOONG way from Coronet to Naboo via Dantooine (some mis-clicks on extra tickets in his inventory). Grumpy can report that it is a very arduous hike from the Dant starport to Naboo, as he wandered around for quite a while trying to meet up with his steel mine waypoints.
Realizing his mistake, (and who knows how much time passed, Grumpy sure doesn’t), he finally arrived in Naboo, only to deposit 18000 units of power in each of his steel mines. For crissakes, they must have nerfed the clarity of his interface. It was still impossible to read even after cleaning the monitor with his cocktail napkin. And adjusting the contrast. He thinks. H*ll, maybe that was the cable modem.
There is a happy ending to his story. He won’t be on dinner duty for quite some time and those steel mines should be set to go until even Grumpy becomes jedi-enabled.
The Grumpy Master Architect ©