The Grumpy Drama Alert System (02-05-04)

Grumpy missed any recent drama as it was unfolding on the message boards while he was deep in his SWG downer phase. This is alarming to him as he is striving to be THE up-to-the-minute drama critic for the Ecliptian Community. The thought occured to him that his performance could be vastly improved IF there was a better drama alert system in place.

Grumpy proposes the following:

1-alarm Drama Alert – e.g. scam alerts, usual GCW/tef exploiters, and the like – Message Board PM. In fact, to make sure Grumpy reads the PM, use a subject line like “I want to have your babies, PIC included” or “I’ve been naughty, want to see how?” Sending PMs labeled “Just a gentle reminder” and using a red Sony name fail to get his attention anymore.

2-alarm Drama Alert – e.g. the borgle cave is empty, an in-game CSR sighting, someone has crates of Bivoli on an OPERATIONAL vendor – Email alert to his work email. Grumpy largely ignores most of his emails ever since some asshat at the office leaked the office email directory to The **edit** Patch people (score! on the pun). At first, Grumpy thought his gf/business partner was trying to tell him something, but then realized it was just Tony in R & D surfing the porn sites again from outside the firewall. And if Tony is trying to tell Grumpy something, he doesn’t want to know.

3-alarm Drama Alert – e.g. Sony just smote dozens of accounts with the ban stick for duping, ACTUAL exploiting (not “exploiting” like some of you quenkers have been defining it), Grumpy’s gf has run off with some Master Commando from Talus (again) – Text message to his cell phone. Grumpy rather enjoys text messaging, especially of updated sports info. He can read through the messages while sitting through yet another Meeting Scheduled in Lieu of Another Meeting to be Scheduled Later in this Meeting.

4-alarm Drama Alert – e.g. a Weapon Experimentation tape auction is ending in a few minutes with a top bid under 100 million, solid proof that Sony employees play SWG (the character creation screens do NOT count), a quest/theme park worth a d*mn – Voice call/mail to his cell phone. Grumpy is a Master Cell Phone Screener and has an entire mental rolodex of excuses why he didn’t answer. His favs: charging cell phone, didn’t hear it ring, cell network must have been down (followed by a meaningful shrug). Feel free to leave a voice mail in case you’re screened.

5-alarm Drama Alert – e.g. multiple 4-alarm dramas, EclipseChick is pregnant by EclipseGuy IRL, EclipsePlayer just got busted for selling his Jedi account on eBay, Grumpy’s RL arch enemy just died in a fire (woot!) – Voice call/mail to his home phone. H*ll, if you’re calling about an “unfortunate” fire, come on over and have a drink with Grumpy, too. Grumpy needs to make up a cover story for the cops and could use some help.

The Grumpy Master Architect ©